Another week down

Just got back from my weekly doctor visit. All is still good. Baby Barrett is still in position and we are still on track for induction on June 23rd. If the sonogram is correct, Baby Barrett has lots of hair and is weighing in at a whopping 8# 7oz. He will most likely be over 9# by the time I induce! I can't believe it is only a week away. I ask for prayers that everything will continue to go smoothly!

My Husband

I love my husband, Branden, for making me feel good today. He posted an unsolicited blog and I read it. It brought tears to my eyes. I think we take for granted how lucky we are and I just got snapped back to reality. He truly is a blessing to my life!!! I could not ask for a better husband or father!

No More Monkeys...

I think that this really may be the theme of the day around our house. We are preparing for baby 'Barrett' and getting his room ready. In our ingenious thinking, we are going to move Holden to the new "MONKEY" room since it is bigger and give Barrett the baby room that Holden has been sleeping in for the last year...Holden is not so much going for it...screaming is more like it! I think that he likes his room. What to do...? I told my wonderful husband that we shouldn't change him if he doesn't want to change. He wants to try a couple of more days before giving in. We will try naps today. If that doesn't work, one more day and the switch will be off. Both rooms are equally cute, so I am indifferent. We just want Holden to have the bigger room since he is the bigger brother. Wow...he is already making up his mind and he is just 13 months! What lies ahead?

Prayers Worked

No C-Section!! I just went to the doctor today for my weekly BPP and checkup. Baby is head down like he is supposed to be. They say it is unlikely that he would move again since the head is the heaviest part of his body. He is weighing in at a whopping 7# 8oz at todays visit. He is definitely going to be an 8 pounder or bigger. I am very excited at the news!

Family Pics

As per a request from a friend, here are a few pictures of the family we had taken for Holden's 1-year birthday.

Update on the BPP

Just an update...worried for nothing!!!

Baby #2 (see we still have no name!) is fine. He scored 8/8 on his BPP. Dr. Roberts tells me that he is watching the baby closely because of my borderline gestational diabetes. He wants to make sure that the baby has enough amniotic fluid for him since it is somewhat reduced if you have gestational diabetes. He had plenty of fluid, but my blood sugar was out of control (190- EEEK!) Dr. Roberts wanted to know what I had eaten. Anyway, now I have to basically follow more of a lower carb diet (without sugar, mostly). He tells me that I will have to take some sort of medicine if it is not better next week. Also, the baby is weighing in at a whopping nearly 7#. He is going to really be big if we go full term. Not to mention, he is still in a transverse position. I ask that everyone that reads this will say a prayer for us that this baby 'takes a nose dive' and gets in position for me to deliver him without a C-section. I really don't want a C-section since the healing time is longer and I have a One-Year old to take care of. Obviously I have help, but I really want to be able to heal quicker than the C-Section would allow. All of that being said, I need to log off for today. I sincerely appreciate all prayers!

BPP

What is a Biophysical Profile anyway? I went to see my OB yesterday for my checkup and we have moved my appointments up to weekly now. He mentioned he is going to start doing a Biophysical Profile on me and the baby. He explained he is looking for signs that everything is well inside and that the baby has enough amniotic fluid. As long as he scores an 8 or better than we are going to stay on track for delivering at the end of June. If not, we will discuss. I thought that seems reasonable and he did not act overly concerned. He also did not tell me to change anything so I did not ask anymore questions. I then got to thinking about this and looked it up on the internet. OK...now I am kind of worried. I am making Branden go with me next week because he always thinks clearer and asks pertinent questions that I can't think of during those times. I feel 'him' moving around. He is in the position to deliver, so that is good. I will just have to wait and see. Please say a prayer for us that we are all doing well!

I Never Imagined...

It has been a really long time since I posted anything. Robin will be happy to see I finally did it! Quite frankly, I don't feel like I have the time at the moment, but I also feel like maybe having some friends advice on situations I am experiencing might not be a bad use of my time either.

Since my last post, I have found out that I am pregnant again.I was going to post about 'STICK SHOCK' because that is exactly what that was! Wow, that is exciting news considering the 6 years of Infertility that we went through. But....I don't think I could have imagined the anxiety that I am feeling about having another child and working full time. I feel so blessed on one hand, but so torn on the other. How can I do it? I have found myself getting anxious about things that I never think I would have been anxious over in the past. I have also found that I have had more conversations trying to get my husband to reassure me that things are going to be ok, when he is just 'doing it' and not worrying about things. He tells me I just need to relax. My question to him is 'how do I do that?" He says I just do things that I need to do because it needs to be done. I don't worry about everything else in between. I guess that is all fine and good, but how do we as Mom's really do that? I am finding myself worrying about everything in between. It can range from getting the laundry done to getting the menu made for the week. It is very interesting to actually think that I am in this position. I would have given anything to have a child and now, here I am with two (or soon enough). It is crazy what God has given us! I know that he doesn't give you more than you can handle, but sometimes I don't know if I am handling it well at all. Maybe this is a bit of the extra dose of hormones that I am producing, but it is also really real!

This anxiety is also consistent with feelings of inadequacies. I am quite bothered when someone takes something that I am supposed to be doing or be able to get done and does it for me (both at home and at work). I tell myself that they mean absolutely nothing by it, but it really feeds into my feelings of inadequacies. I know someone is going to say that you are more than 8 mos pregnant, so let people help you. I seriously know that is exactly what the intent of most of them are, but I don't want to be thought of as helpless. This really comes to a head when someone does something for my son that I should be doing like bathing him or rocking him to sleep! That is my job! That is my time to bond with him and yet I can't hold him close to me like before because of this pregnancy. I can't lean over to wash him because of this pregnancy! I should welcome the help! I do in one way because it is getting done, but it will create a night of insomnia worrying about it. I know that it is just a matter of weeks before that part is over, but will I have the time then? I sound like a raving maniac, and I am not. Maybe just a pregnant one! :)

Songs

Do you ever have a song that just sticks in your head? It happens to me all of the time. I just wonder though, what it means when I wake up to a song that I heard in church on Sunday. I literally woke up this morning singing "Give me one pure and holy passion. Give me one magnificent obsession..." Maybe that is a sign that I need to be spending more time in God's word. I was convicted by Tianne's message on Sunday about white noise and just tuning everything else out around you to hear God's word. This morning makes me believe that even more. What a good way to start the morning! Let's hope the rest of the day is good!

Cooperation

You just don't get it when you really want it! Today was a picture day for Holden. We were getting pictures made of him in his "Pumpkin Suit (i.e. Halloween Costume). I figure he is not really old enough to go 'trick or treating', but I still wanted to celebrate the holiday with him. So, I figured a picture would last longer! Well, on our way there, he decides he is going to take a nap! This is not a good sign. We get there and I have to wake him up in order to get his picture made. We had two things going against us in the beginning. One was him being tired and the second was his fascination with something new. He found GRASS! And then there was hay! We could not distract him. So this is where crazy adults come into play! We start hooting and hollering. Then we start jumping up and down, jingling our keys, just about anything we could think of to get his attention... I think that we got a few good pictures.

So then we decide to change his outfit since he has two pumpkin outfits. One is a full fledged costume, the other is a shirt. We get the costume on and we place him among the pumpkins. Did I mention we were at a pumpkin patch? There is that HAY again! He proceeds to eat the Hay....Ick! We get a few more pictures in after lots of jumping up and down to get his attention. Then he realizes it is HOT in that costume. I am sweating from trying to get him to smile and he is sweating because he has a wool suit on. That costume doesn't last long before the tears come. We are done and just hoping we have a couple pictures out of all of that! We end the event with the person running the pumpkin patch telling us that she appreciated us entertaining her! And on to another day and adventure!

Hair

We had to cut it again! I can't believe my child has so much hair! I think it has to be one of the first things that people comment on when they see him. " Wow, he has a lot of hair! Was he born with it?" Well he was and I am amazed! He is nearly 6 mos old and has had 2 haircuts. My husband and I took Holden to Sports Clips to get "Daddy's hair cut", and walk out of there with both of them getting a haircut. It is really sweet, though. Daddy got to hold him in his lap since he can't quite sit up on his own yet. He is such a good boy! I am just thinking to myself, though, this is going to get expensive. I wonder how many other people out there can say they have had their baby's hair cut twice before they were 6 months old. I hear that you're not supposed to cut it before they are one, but I would have to put it up in a ponytail if I waited that long! EEEK! Oh well, he looks so sweet...just like a little boy should! I am going to enjoy these moments as they may not last!

Miracle

Wow...has it been a busy few weeks! As I am driving home from Babies R Us tonight at just around 7PM, I am reminded I can't stay out 'late' anymore. Not that 7PM ever constituted late, but it is in fact when my son is in the back seat crying because he is tired and about ready to go down for the evening. Anyway, he begins to cry and that is something that I feel myself getting uptight every time he does it. I try to let him cry himself to sleep on occassion when I know he is tired, but I would rather sit there and rock him to a peaceful sleep if I can. He is crying and I am thinking of ways to calm him for the next 10-15 minute drive home. I begin to sing..."You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...". It works! That is the second time it has worked. He likes my awful, off-tune voice. That makes me really happy! I sing that about a half of a dozen times and think, what next? I remember I have a CD that is Celine Dion in my car. My husband does not like her so we don't listen to it much. I happen to love this CD. It is called Miracle and it is a whole CD devoted to the Miracle of Children. The first song is the CD title "Miracle" and it brings me to tears (again, like every time I hear it!) It is a song that describes my feelings exactly. I never could have imagined the miracle that God gave us. Not to mention, I could not have imagined how in love with this child that I am. Life is good! And with these thoughts, I am off to bed! (Well, I will do a little cleaning up the house from the day and then off to bed!)

Blogger Etiquette

One more...I just seem to have a 3 post minimum when I finally sit down and do it!

What is the etiquette say for blogging: When someone kindly comments on your blog, should I be going to their sites and commenting? I am reading the other blogs and just don't know if I should be commenting to let them know that I am reading. I know that it is fun for me to read what others say about my thoughts (i.e. blogs), but I just wasn't sure what everyone else thought about comments on others.

Just curious...

To Exercise or Not

Well, here I am a week later that I have promised myself I was going to exercise every day or at least 5 times a week. HA! Not happening in my world, or so it seems. Something that gives me a great sense of accomplishment after it is complete is one of the hardest things for me to get motivated to do. With about 15 pounds left to go before I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, I should find that to be motitvational enough to get up and exercise! Wrong again! I need to get up in the morning and just get it done. When Robin and I go early in the mornings to walk/jog, I feel great all day! When we don't, I keep talking about doing it later. Later comes and goes and I still haven't gotten it done. I guess I could blame it on everything else that I think that I have to get done , but even I know that is not a good excuse. I sure do think about it a lot (see previous post). I probably would get more done because I would feel better. I wouldn't want to crash each night at 9:30 because I just feel exhausted. This is not a complaint, just a realization of my reality.

This is going to be the week....I am going to exercise and watch what I eat again. The only thing I am consistent with is that when I blow it (being my diet and exercise), I go all the way. We shall see!!!.

Calm in the Moment

I was sitting here tonight feeding Holden his bedtime bottle and not giving a second thought to him, but giving many second thoughts to everything else I need to get done. I wish I could just be calm in the moment and stay focused on just the one thing I am doing. My husband seems to do this so well. Maybe he is not, since I can't read his mind, but it just seems so. I am sure there are ways or even books that tell you how to do this effectively, but I am not sure they would help! I really need to work on just enjoying the moment that I am in and not worrying about what I am going to get done in the next. I enjoy Holden taking his bottle and just staring up at me until he drifts off into a peaceful sleep. What could be sweeter?! I need to enjoy that while turning everything else off around me, including the TV. Another example is talking on the phone to a friend and doing other things like reading my emails. I guess I don't want to waste a second. This is also a problem for me in my prayer time. I begin my prayers and before I know it I am making a grocery list or a to do list for the following day. Why is it so hard to turn it all off and just focus? I, at least, learned a trick from my friend Robin about praying which is to concentrate on the image of Jesus in my mind when I need to stay focused. This has helped my prayers, but now I need to work on every other time I am trying to multi-task at a time that needs to be only single tasked! This is my new prayer: learning to be calm in the moment!

Quiet Time

Tonight I pulled out my bible to check out Proverb 31 to see what Robin was pointing me too when she commented on my post. I realized yet again that I need QUIET TIME daily. Why is this so hard? I really enjoyed reading this chapter and sat here wondering why I don't do this everyday. Not to compare reading the bible to exercise, but in this way they are the same. Once you actually do it, you feel good about yourself and rewarded. When you don't do it, you get into a slump! Hmmmm!

My Sweet Family

How sweet it is....!!!

Christian Working Mom

Since my blog is mostly for me to blog about the trials of being a "Working Mother", I usually seek out information about this 'job description". I even subscribed to the magazine "Working Mothers" so I could get another perspective on how to handle the trials and tribulations that come along with this title. But, I think that my biggest struggle is trying to be sure that this is where God wants me to be. With giving that more thought, I decided to search the other blogs out there to see if there were other blogs that discussed being a working mom. I found one that is very interesting. She actually calls it Christian Working Mom blog (CWM) {how appropriate!}. Anyway, I don't know why working moms feel the need to justify working outside the home, but for some reason I do. I think that this blogspot gave me a great perspective on this subject by making the following statement: "If you are working because you need to financially, know that if God didn’t mean for you to work he could change your circumstances! And whether you work from necessity or choice, be strengthened in the knowledge that you are serving God by using the abilities he gave you. Work is not evil! " I definitely feel like God gave me talents that I am using at my job, so I need to be good with feeling satisfied when I have an accomplishment at work and not only look for my new identity in being Holden's Mom and all that comes with that. I know that my true identity is being a Christ follower, but I believe we all seek out other parts of our identity! I need to remind myself of the following verse periodically!

I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. (Philipians 4:13)

There are two verses that give some food for thought.

Romans 8:28
We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.

Ephesians 6:8
Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Friendship

I guess I am catching up for lost blogs tonight since I have posted 3 in one night! Oh well, Robin got me thinking after reading her blog tonight. I feel truly blessed that she considers me her best friend. That is a title that should not be taken lightly. I got to thinking about the fact that she said that we are different in so many ways, but what she failed to mention is how much alike we are. The fact of the matter is that a friend is a person that genuinely cares about you and your life, which she does. They also are there to offer up advice, even if it is something that you don't want to hear! They cry with you in your sad times, like trying to get pregnant for 6 years and feeling like a failure each month it did not happen! Or cry with you in your happy times, like having your baby and feeling overwhelming joy for you! They laugh at you and with you. A friend prays with you and for you! A friend wants to spend time with you even if you only have 5 minutes to spare. A friend has two sticks of butter when you want to make a cake for someone else...she won't even get to share in the sweet temptation! A friend allows us to talk about subjects that our husbands don't want to hear about! A friend wants us to have a date night with our husband and is willing to watch my child or children so we can have it! A friend tells you how to create a schedule for your new sleeping baby or how much food to feed them. There are so many things that a friend does or just who they are that matter so much more than the differences! It is nice to have differences because it will balance us out! What is also nice is that there may be one person to fill this role or several, but that is what makes having friends great! Robin was right, we probably should all work harder at deepening the friendships we have! Thank you, Robin for filling almost all of these roles and more in my life and to all of my other friends, I thank you too! I love you all!

Grasping at Life

I am learning so much every day! I can't believe that Holden is nearly 5 months old! I am learning that life now runs at WARP speed and I don't want to blink or I might miss something. I don't know how many other people feel this way about it, but now that I have a child, I am not sure I can keep up with everything going on around me. It is absolutely wonderful and breath-taking.

Holden is the source of all of my true amazement these days! If you would have asked me several months ago if I would be so interested in such milestones as Holden grabbing at toys, I would have told you no way! It is absolutely amazing to watch him grow and make these milestones! I can't even explain how happy it makes me to see him grab at his toys and actually enjoy playing with them! I am having such joy in my heart to watch him learn about his surroundings and become playful! I can't help but smile and laugh when he is smiling and cooing! I feel so good when he is belly laughing! I seriously want to stop whatever I am doing to just listen to him or encourage him to laugh more! No one could have told you that it was going to be this wonderful or you could have such joy in your life for simply seeing your baby grasping at the life around him! Again...all you can say to that is Praise God!