How time flies!

It is now almost 12 weeks since my newest bundle of joy arrived! I can't believe it! I just hope we are closer to 'sleeping through the night'. I am counting down the days as if there is a magic specific day that Barrett will sleep through the night. I think that I feel like once that happens, we can get on with life. I am missing my connection with friends. My husband and I try to be social, but find that we are coming up short because it is mostly just connecting with family and you can't replace a 'best friend'. I am feeling somewhat disconnected from my best friend Robin and am looking forward to the time when I can make more of an effort to see her more often. It especially comes to light when I go out walking in our neighborhood and realize I don't have a friend walking beside me to discuss life's events. Though the downpour of rain distracted me near the end of the walk, I really miss that time together. It was beneficial in more than one way...mostly emotional.It is amazing how much more we can handle if we just have an avenue to discuss, sometimes a spouse, but most of the time a friend. As we moved further apart, I don't want the actual friendship to do the same. Praise to friendships...prayer to help me work harder on maintaining them!

Baby Weight

What a struggle...mental that is. I want to be back to my pre-pregnancy weigth...fast! I know I need to give it time, but I just want to see SOME progress. The only thing I see shrinking are my stretch marks. LOL! I went on a search this morning for a diet that I can do. I am not sure I can do any of them...sad story isn't it?! We have given up excess sugars (i.e. desserts) and sodas and still nothing. That was about 4 weeks ago. I need a quick fix and I don't think it exists. How about Weight Watchers...great program..slow results. How about LOW CARB? I am miserable but it works. I even thought about diet pills which I haven't taken in about 10 years. Is Metabolife still even around? What to do...just keep pressing forward I guess. I think I need a support group or something to help motivate and make me accountable.

How peaceful!

my boys

  

All is wonderful!

It has been a little over 5 weeks since I gave birth. Not sure how I am going to fit blogging into the busy life I have at the moment, but I am going to try. I had a beautiful baby boy on June 23rd. After a full day of labor, we delivered at 4:23PM. I thought we were going to be delivering without the help of our trusted doctor since he was seeing patients. Everything went great, though! I felt like a million bucks after this delivery. I couldn't believe it! The second is definitely easier. I did have the epidural, but it had mostly worn off by the time I delivered, so I felt so much more than I did with Holden. I loved that! Barrett weighed in at 8 lbs and 6 oz. He looks nothing like his brother...it is so weird!

We are home now and recovering from 5 weeks of family staying with us. This is not highly recommended by me. I am just now able to figure out our schedule and I have started back to work part time this week. I go back full time on August 15th. Barrett is doing mostly great...likes to keep me up for a couple of hours about 4am. Holden is a great big brother.....so far! We are all adjusting well...thank the Lord!!!

Another week down

Just got back from my weekly doctor visit. All is still good. Baby Barrett is still in position and we are still on track for induction on June 23rd. If the sonogram is correct, Baby Barrett has lots of hair and is weighing in at a whopping 8# 7oz. He will most likely be over 9# by the time I induce! I can't believe it is only a week away. I ask for prayers that everything will continue to go smoothly!

My Husband

I love my husband, Branden, for making me feel good today. He posted an unsolicited blog and I read it. It brought tears to my eyes. I think we take for granted how lucky we are and I just got snapped back to reality. He truly is a blessing to my life!!! I could not ask for a better husband or father!

No More Monkeys...

I think that this really may be the theme of the day around our house. We are preparing for baby 'Barrett' and getting his room ready. In our ingenious thinking, we are going to move Holden to the new "MONKEY" room since it is bigger and give Barrett the baby room that Holden has been sleeping in for the last year...Holden is not so much going for it...screaming is more like it! I think that he likes his room. What to do...? I told my wonderful husband that we shouldn't change him if he doesn't want to change. He wants to try a couple of more days before giving in. We will try naps today. If that doesn't work, one more day and the switch will be off. Both rooms are equally cute, so I am indifferent. We just want Holden to have the bigger room since he is the bigger brother. Wow...he is already making up his mind and he is just 13 months! What lies ahead?

Prayers Worked

No C-Section!! I just went to the doctor today for my weekly BPP and checkup. Baby is head down like he is supposed to be. They say it is unlikely that he would move again since the head is the heaviest part of his body. He is weighing in at a whopping 7# 8oz at todays visit. He is definitely going to be an 8 pounder or bigger. I am very excited at the news!

Family Pics

As per a request from a friend, here are a few pictures of the family we had taken for Holden's 1-year birthday.

Update on the BPP

Just an update...worried for nothing!!!

Baby #2 (see we still have no name!) is fine. He scored 8/8 on his BPP. Dr. Roberts tells me that he is watching the baby closely because of my borderline gestational diabetes. He wants to make sure that the baby has enough amniotic fluid for him since it is somewhat reduced if you have gestational diabetes. He had plenty of fluid, but my blood sugar was out of control (190- EEEK!) Dr. Roberts wanted to know what I had eaten. Anyway, now I have to basically follow more of a lower carb diet (without sugar, mostly). He tells me that I will have to take some sort of medicine if it is not better next week. Also, the baby is weighing in at a whopping nearly 7#. He is going to really be big if we go full term. Not to mention, he is still in a transverse position. I ask that everyone that reads this will say a prayer for us that this baby 'takes a nose dive' and gets in position for me to deliver him without a C-section. I really don't want a C-section since the healing time is longer and I have a One-Year old to take care of. Obviously I have help, but I really want to be able to heal quicker than the C-Section would allow. All of that being said, I need to log off for today. I sincerely appreciate all prayers!

BPP

What is a Biophysical Profile anyway? I went to see my OB yesterday for my checkup and we have moved my appointments up to weekly now. He mentioned he is going to start doing a Biophysical Profile on me and the baby. He explained he is looking for signs that everything is well inside and that the baby has enough amniotic fluid. As long as he scores an 8 or better than we are going to stay on track for delivering at the end of June. If not, we will discuss. I thought that seems reasonable and he did not act overly concerned. He also did not tell me to change anything so I did not ask anymore questions. I then got to thinking about this and looked it up on the internet. OK...now I am kind of worried. I am making Branden go with me next week because he always thinks clearer and asks pertinent questions that I can't think of during those times. I feel 'him' moving around. He is in the position to deliver, so that is good. I will just have to wait and see. Please say a prayer for us that we are all doing well!

I Never Imagined...

It has been a really long time since I posted anything. Robin will be happy to see I finally did it! Quite frankly, I don't feel like I have the time at the moment, but I also feel like maybe having some friends advice on situations I am experiencing might not be a bad use of my time either.

Since my last post, I have found out that I am pregnant again.I was going to post about 'STICK SHOCK' because that is exactly what that was! Wow, that is exciting news considering the 6 years of Infertility that we went through. But....I don't think I could have imagined the anxiety that I am feeling about having another child and working full time. I feel so blessed on one hand, but so torn on the other. How can I do it? I have found myself getting anxious about things that I never think I would have been anxious over in the past. I have also found that I have had more conversations trying to get my husband to reassure me that things are going to be ok, when he is just 'doing it' and not worrying about things. He tells me I just need to relax. My question to him is 'how do I do that?" He says I just do things that I need to do because it needs to be done. I don't worry about everything else in between. I guess that is all fine and good, but how do we as Mom's really do that? I am finding myself worrying about everything in between. It can range from getting the laundry done to getting the menu made for the week. It is very interesting to actually think that I am in this position. I would have given anything to have a child and now, here I am with two (or soon enough). It is crazy what God has given us! I know that he doesn't give you more than you can handle, but sometimes I don't know if I am handling it well at all. Maybe this is a bit of the extra dose of hormones that I am producing, but it is also really real!

This anxiety is also consistent with feelings of inadequacies. I am quite bothered when someone takes something that I am supposed to be doing or be able to get done and does it for me (both at home and at work). I tell myself that they mean absolutely nothing by it, but it really feeds into my feelings of inadequacies. I know someone is going to say that you are more than 8 mos pregnant, so let people help you. I seriously know that is exactly what the intent of most of them are, but I don't want to be thought of as helpless. This really comes to a head when someone does something for my son that I should be doing like bathing him or rocking him to sleep! That is my job! That is my time to bond with him and yet I can't hold him close to me like before because of this pregnancy. I can't lean over to wash him because of this pregnancy! I should welcome the help! I do in one way because it is getting done, but it will create a night of insomnia worrying about it. I know that it is just a matter of weeks before that part is over, but will I have the time then? I sound like a raving maniac, and I am not. Maybe just a pregnant one! :)

Songs

Do you ever have a song that just sticks in your head? It happens to me all of the time. I just wonder though, what it means when I wake up to a song that I heard in church on Sunday. I literally woke up this morning singing "Give me one pure and holy passion. Give me one magnificent obsession..." Maybe that is a sign that I need to be spending more time in God's word. I was convicted by Tianne's message on Sunday about white noise and just tuning everything else out around you to hear God's word. This morning makes me believe that even more. What a good way to start the morning! Let's hope the rest of the day is good!

Cooperation

You just don't get it when you really want it! Today was a picture day for Holden. We were getting pictures made of him in his "Pumpkin Suit (i.e. Halloween Costume). I figure he is not really old enough to go 'trick or treating', but I still wanted to celebrate the holiday with him. So, I figured a picture would last longer! Well, on our way there, he decides he is going to take a nap! This is not a good sign. We get there and I have to wake him up in order to get his picture made. We had two things going against us in the beginning. One was him being tired and the second was his fascination with something new. He found GRASS! And then there was hay! We could not distract him. So this is where crazy adults come into play! We start hooting and hollering. Then we start jumping up and down, jingling our keys, just about anything we could think of to get his attention... I think that we got a few good pictures.

So then we decide to change his outfit since he has two pumpkin outfits. One is a full fledged costume, the other is a shirt. We get the costume on and we place him among the pumpkins. Did I mention we were at a pumpkin patch? There is that HAY again! He proceeds to eat the Hay....Ick! We get a few more pictures in after lots of jumping up and down to get his attention. Then he realizes it is HOT in that costume. I am sweating from trying to get him to smile and he is sweating because he has a wool suit on. That costume doesn't last long before the tears come. We are done and just hoping we have a couple pictures out of all of that! We end the event with the person running the pumpkin patch telling us that she appreciated us entertaining her! And on to another day and adventure!

Hair

We had to cut it again! I can't believe my child has so much hair! I think it has to be one of the first things that people comment on when they see him. " Wow, he has a lot of hair! Was he born with it?" Well he was and I am amazed! He is nearly 6 mos old and has had 2 haircuts. My husband and I took Holden to Sports Clips to get "Daddy's hair cut", and walk out of there with both of them getting a haircut. It is really sweet, though. Daddy got to hold him in his lap since he can't quite sit up on his own yet. He is such a good boy! I am just thinking to myself, though, this is going to get expensive. I wonder how many other people out there can say they have had their baby's hair cut twice before they were 6 months old. I hear that you're not supposed to cut it before they are one, but I would have to put it up in a ponytail if I waited that long! EEEK! Oh well, he looks so sweet...just like a little boy should! I am going to enjoy these moments as they may not last!

Miracle

Wow...has it been a busy few weeks! As I am driving home from Babies R Us tonight at just around 7PM, I am reminded I can't stay out 'late' anymore. Not that 7PM ever constituted late, but it is in fact when my son is in the back seat crying because he is tired and about ready to go down for the evening. Anyway, he begins to cry and that is something that I feel myself getting uptight every time he does it. I try to let him cry himself to sleep on occassion when I know he is tired, but I would rather sit there and rock him to a peaceful sleep if I can. He is crying and I am thinking of ways to calm him for the next 10-15 minute drive home. I begin to sing..."You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...". It works! That is the second time it has worked. He likes my awful, off-tune voice. That makes me really happy! I sing that about a half of a dozen times and think, what next? I remember I have a CD that is Celine Dion in my car. My husband does not like her so we don't listen to it much. I happen to love this CD. It is called Miracle and it is a whole CD devoted to the Miracle of Children. The first song is the CD title "Miracle" and it brings me to tears (again, like every time I hear it!) It is a song that describes my feelings exactly. I never could have imagined the miracle that God gave us. Not to mention, I could not have imagined how in love with this child that I am. Life is good! And with these thoughts, I am off to bed! (Well, I will do a little cleaning up the house from the day and then off to bed!)

Blogger Etiquette

One more...I just seem to have a 3 post minimum when I finally sit down and do it!

What is the etiquette say for blogging: When someone kindly comments on your blog, should I be going to their sites and commenting? I am reading the other blogs and just don't know if I should be commenting to let them know that I am reading. I know that it is fun for me to read what others say about my thoughts (i.e. blogs), but I just wasn't sure what everyone else thought about comments on others.

Just curious...

To Exercise or Not

Well, here I am a week later that I have promised myself I was going to exercise every day or at least 5 times a week. HA! Not happening in my world, or so it seems. Something that gives me a great sense of accomplishment after it is complete is one of the hardest things for me to get motivated to do. With about 15 pounds left to go before I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, I should find that to be motitvational enough to get up and exercise! Wrong again! I need to get up in the morning and just get it done. When Robin and I go early in the mornings to walk/jog, I feel great all day! When we don't, I keep talking about doing it later. Later comes and goes and I still haven't gotten it done. I guess I could blame it on everything else that I think that I have to get done , but even I know that is not a good excuse. I sure do think about it a lot (see previous post). I probably would get more done because I would feel better. I wouldn't want to crash each night at 9:30 because I just feel exhausted. This is not a complaint, just a realization of my reality.

This is going to be the week....I am going to exercise and watch what I eat again. The only thing I am consistent with is that when I blow it (being my diet and exercise), I go all the way. We shall see!!!.

Calm in the Moment

I was sitting here tonight feeding Holden his bedtime bottle and not giving a second thought to him, but giving many second thoughts to everything else I need to get done. I wish I could just be calm in the moment and stay focused on just the one thing I am doing. My husband seems to do this so well. Maybe he is not, since I can't read his mind, but it just seems so. I am sure there are ways or even books that tell you how to do this effectively, but I am not sure they would help! I really need to work on just enjoying the moment that I am in and not worrying about what I am going to get done in the next. I enjoy Holden taking his bottle and just staring up at me until he drifts off into a peaceful sleep. What could be sweeter?! I need to enjoy that while turning everything else off around me, including the TV. Another example is talking on the phone to a friend and doing other things like reading my emails. I guess I don't want to waste a second. This is also a problem for me in my prayer time. I begin my prayers and before I know it I am making a grocery list or a to do list for the following day. Why is it so hard to turn it all off and just focus? I, at least, learned a trick from my friend Robin about praying which is to concentrate on the image of Jesus in my mind when I need to stay focused. This has helped my prayers, but now I need to work on every other time I am trying to multi-task at a time that needs to be only single tasked! This is my new prayer: learning to be calm in the moment!