It has been a really long time since I posted anything. Robin will be happy to see I finally did it! Quite frankly, I don't feel like I have the time at the moment, but I also feel like maybe having some friends advice on situations I am experiencing might not be a bad use of my time either.
Since my last post, I have found out that I am pregnant again.I was going to post about 'STICK SHOCK' because that is exactly what that was! Wow, that is exciting news considering the 6 years of Infertility that we went through. But....I don't think I could have imagined the anxiety that I am feeling about having another child and working full time. I feel so blessed on one hand, but so torn on the other. How can I do it? I have found myself getting anxious about things that I never think I would have been anxious over in the past. I have also found that I have had more conversations trying to get my husband to reassure me that things are going to be ok, when he is just 'doing it' and not worrying about things. He tells me I just need to relax. My question to him is 'how do I do that?" He says I just do things that I need to do because it needs to be done. I don't worry about everything else in between. I guess that is all fine and good, but how do we as Mom's really do that? I am finding myself worrying about everything in between. It can range from getting the laundry done to getting the menu made for the week. It is very interesting to actually think that I am in this position. I would have given anything to have a child and now, here I am with two (or soon enough). It is crazy what God has given us! I know that he doesn't give you more than you can handle, but sometimes I don't know if I am handling it well at all. Maybe this is a bit of the extra dose of hormones that I am producing, but it is also really real!
This anxiety is also consistent with feelings of inadequacies. I am quite bothered when someone takes something that I am supposed to be doing or be able to get done and does it for me (both at home and at work). I tell myself that they mean absolutely nothing by it, but it really feeds into my feelings of inadequacies. I know someone is going to say that you are more than 8 mos pregnant, so let people help you. I seriously know that is exactly what the intent of most of them are, but I don't want to be thought of as helpless. This really comes to a head when someone does something for my son that I should be doing like bathing him or rocking him to sleep! That is my job! That is my time to bond with him and yet I can't hold him close to me like before because of this pregnancy. I can't lean over to wash him because of this pregnancy! I should welcome the help! I do in one way because it is getting done, but it will create a night of insomnia worrying about it. I know that it is just a matter of weeks before that part is over, but will I have the time then? I sound like a raving maniac, and I am not. Maybe just a pregnant one! :)
1 comment:
Holly SO glad to see you back girl! You NEED us blogging mommies! I feel your pain, I was like that with Victoria I wanted to DO everything. I had a very hard time giving her over to someone else. But ya know what I realized, there are gozillian more opportunities for me to rock her, bath her, and feed her. And, when number two comes it just works out that way because 1. you are SO tired and 2. You want that one-on-one time with baby #2. I know this probably didn't help much but I just wanted you to know that you are NOT manic and we all go through it in some shape or form. Many prayers to you and try not to worry about it all at once. I know easier said than done. Welcome back!
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